


Cotton Candy Bingo: Theme – Sex

by yokainomiko



Category: Uta no Prince-sama
Genre: Dumb about sex, Everyone is a dork, F/M, I think Nanami is really cute, There needs to be het in this fandom, no actual sex though, talking about sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-27
Updated: 2013-04-27
Packaged: 2017-12-09 15:01:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/775552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yokainomiko/pseuds/yokainomiko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Hey, have you guys ever thought about having sex?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cotton Candy Bingo: Theme – Sex

**Author's Note:**

> [Bingo Card](http://riceforbrunch.livejournal.com/12190.html) I don’t know. This is like… the UtaPri version of “Duet” my La Corda d’Oro fic I wrote like… three years ago.
> 
> It's really depressing to me how little het fic there is for UtaPri. That's the main reason why this fic even made it onto AO3 @_@

Cotton Candy Bingo: Theme – Sex  
Series: Uta no Prince-sama Maji Love 2000%  
Pairing/Character(s): ST☆RISH, no requited love >.>  
Genre: Crack I guess. And really bad romance.  
Word Count: 1029  


\-------------------------------------

“Hey, have you guys ever thought about having sex?”

Cecil probably meant to ask the question with no malicious intent, but intent didn’t mean much with a question like this. The reaction was instantaneous.

Tokiya’s eyes widened and he slouched slightly. Otoya and Masato flushed deeply. Natsuki smiled, but it was a somewhat confused and forced one. Ren chuckled and Syo did what he always did when flustered: he yelled.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” he yelled, jumping from his seat. “Are you some kind of sicko?!”

Cecil blinked. “Does that mean you never have?”

Syo flushed a shade to match Otoya’s hair. “I… t-that is… I mean—” The words just couldn’t get out.

Ren took pity on them both. “It’s a very natural thing for men in our age group to consider it when in the presence of lovely ladies. And my little sheep is lovely indeed,” he said while holding a rose.

“W-what do you mean?” Syo stuttered. “I—Nanami—I haven’t—”

Before Syo could stutter himself into oblivion, Masato and Tokiya’s glares silenced the room.

“What do you mean _your_ little lamb?” Tokiya tersely demanded.

That part of Ren’s line sank into the others’ heads.

“W-wait—you and—and Nanami?” Otoya yelled.

“Fufu, in good time,” Ren replied.

Cecil glared at him. “Haruka is my Muse. You cannot have her.”

“Ah, so is that why you brought this up?” Ren asked. “You want advice on how to satisfy _my_ little lamb?” There was an edge to the second part of the question.

Red dusted the prince’s cheeks. “Well, no. I was just wondering if you’d thought about it or not. And if you think about anyone in particular.”

A moment passed as all seven guys thought about who they’d like to do certain evening activities with.

Natsuki broke the silence. “Haru-chan would be so cute~ <3” There was practically a heart at the end of his sentence.

“Why would Nanami be having sex with _you_?” Syo roared.

“Eh, well…” Natsuki grinned. “Because we are both sunny people! And she’s just so cute!”

Syo tried to attack Natsuki, but Natsuki grabbed him and held him close. “Don’t worry, Syo-chan! I won’t forget about you when basking in her warmth!”

A lack of oxygen prevented a reply.

Tokiya closed his eyes as he tried to focus, “And why exactly does a sunny personality mean you would be so fortunate? If Nanami-san were to do _that_ with anyone, wouldn’t it be me?”

“Ehhh?” Otoya complained. “That’s not fair! Just because you’re her precious Hayato-sama…”

“No one should be doing anything to Nanami-san!” Masato intervened. “She should be left alone to write music for us and secure a deeper more intimate bond.”

“Wah! Amazing Masa!” Otoya replied. “You’re so noble! I could never not want to—Err…”

Cecil looked unconvinced. “But you love her. Are you sure you’ve never thought about doing it with Haruka?”

Masato flushed. “I… need to go calligraph now.” He tried to leave, but was stopped by Ren.

“Haha! You totally have!” Natsuki laughed.

Tokiya opened his mouth to say something angrily, but Ren spoke first. “So it seems all of us have thought about making sweet love to my Fair Lady, hmm?”

Everyone avoided making eye contact with everyone else.

“Ehh!?” Cecil exclaimed. “But I’m the only one who’s told her I love her!”

“That is neither here nor there,” Tokiya explained.

“Indeed. Thinking about it requires no response from the little lamb,” Ren added.

An awkward silence settled over the group as they tried to avoid attention from each other. Natsuki even let go of Syo.

Syo took some much needed breaths of air before asking, “Why’re you asking us dumb questions like this, anyway?”

“Oh! Camus told me idols must stay pure of heart for their fans!” Cecil smiled. “I told him my love of Haruka is very pure and blessed by the Muses!”

Syo tried to say what he thought of Cecil’s damn Muses but got tongue-tied. Instead he said, “And?”

“And he said that wanting to do things to Haruka made me impure!” Cecil pouted. “But I love Haruka! Anything I would do would be pure. So I wanted to know the line between pure and impure sex.”

The guys sweatdropped.

“Unfortunately, none of what you asked explained the situation properly,” Masato commented.

“Really?” Cecil looked embarrassed. “Oops?”

“I suppose at least we now know where each one of us stands,” Tokiya pointed out.

It was at that moment they heard familiar voices from the hallway accompanied by steps.

“Thank you for coming over, Tomo-chan!” Haruka chirped

“Of course, Haruka-chan! I’m always here for you when you need me!” Tomochika replied. “But what did you need me for anyway?”

The steps stopped temporarily as Haruka answered. The guys all leaned slightly towards the door.

“Ringo-sensei keeps telling me I have to protect myself and I don’t understand what he means?”

“Oh? Did he say from what?”

“He just says to be careful because princes can be pushy. But no one ever pushes me!”

Again there was a noticeable lack of eye contact.

“I… see… And Haruka-chan?”

“Yes, Tomo-chan?”

“Did he just say to be careful?”

“Well, he has been saying that, but since I don’t get it, today he gave me these and I don’t know what they are!”

Silence.

Tomochika sighed loudly. “These are condoms, Haruka-chan.”

“Thank you! I knew you’d know!” Haruka gleefully said. Some of the guys winced at her accidental implication. “So, what’s a condom do and how does it protect me from pushes?”

“Oh, oh, Haruka-chan, I worry about you. Let’s get to your room first…”

“Okay!”

The sound of steps resumed and eventually faded.

Otoya slammed his head into the piano in the rehearsal room. “I’m such a pervert!” he cried out. “I’m so sorry, Nanami!”

No one else responded as violently, but they all felt about the same.

With one noticeable exception.

Cecil’s eyes sparkled, “As expected of my Muse! She is so pure! I must tell her again how much I love her!”

He started running towards the door but was stopped by… everyone.

“NO!” they yelled in unison.

The end?  



End file.
